writing in the chasm

The best thing about being a (mostly) stay-at-home-parent with both kids in school? The freedom of time. I can just…take the car to get an oil change when I realize it needs one instead of waiting until the scheduling planets align. I can just grab my keys and wallet and run in town for more powdered sugar when I don’t have enough to finish frosting my kid’s birthday cake. Taking-care-of-the-house things I’ve shunted aside for the last 8+ years are finally at least on the to-do list.

I am now rich in time. Sometimes when the realization hits me, it feels so impossible I have to stop and remind myself how to breathe.

But there is a downside to this sudden wealth of privilege. I’ve been writing in the cracks for so long–during never-enough nap times, in waiting areas at kid activities, and any other brief time I could find–I’ve forgotten how to set aside some of that wonderful time for writing. I don’t know how to write in the chasm.

This has happened to me before. Back when I lived in Seattle, the store I worked at closed. I drew unemployment while applying to anything that wasn’t retail and got all starry-eyed about the writing possibilities with the rest of my time. Spoiler: I did everything EXCEPT write. I just couldn’t seem to get words on the page without that external structure.

15 years later with both kids are in school, I’m back to that same problem. First I was in a show, then gearing up the my older kid’s birthday trip, then the birthday party, then Halloween. I fell into the mantra of, “When *this* is over, I’ll write more.” But there is always something else to prepare for; if I don’t start carving out that time to write, nothing will change.

At least this time, I know my own process and how I work well enough to have strategies. I know what music I need to play, I’ve already hacked my own programming with scents*, if I will only dig them out again.

*I swear, I wrote a post about hacking my brain to form better writing habits, but I’m not finding it. If you want to read more about that, let me know!

Mostly, I know the power of lists and writing out schedules to keep me focused and mindful of my time. I blocked out two hours to write today, with freedom to break it up as needed. I’m currently in my first half hour and racing the sand in my timer to finish this post because I will be focusing the rest of my time on my current novel project. My phone rang a bit ago and I managed not to answer rather than dip into avoidance mode.

I have also been adding other things to my plate in an attempt to form that outside structure to scaffold the rest of my schedule, only to discover they’re too uncertain and irregular to make the difference I had hoped.

Wish me luck as I rework my writing habits and process (again)!