Confidence. Once upon a time, I had none.
High school theatre helped. It gave me the courage to explore, to try on different personas until I found a combination that fit right. College for me was more about the people and the experience than the academics. Funny, since I went so deeply in debt for it.
But much as I loved theatre in high school, I didn’t pursue it after. I knew the limits of my talent: I was dedicated, but mediocre. I wasn’t confident enough in myself to get out of my own head.
I auditioned for a couple shows in college and was cut each time. I would stare at the theatre class descriptions in the course catalog, but only signed up for one in my senior year.
Only a few years ago did I start auditioning for community theatre productions. And I was cut. A lot.
I managed to get a part as Cecily in a staged reading of the Importance of Being Ernest. Not many auditioned. That was in 2011.
Then last summer, I got an ensemble role in Julius Caesar. A few months later, I ended up in what might be the most challenging role I will ever play as the governess in Turn of the Screw: a two-person show with a scant month to learn all my lines. For 90 minutes, I never left the stage. It was dark, and intense, and wonderful. I still can’t quite believe I did it.
After that? I auditioned for another show. And got cut. (There’s a metaphor for writer rejection somewhere in here.) I was ecstatic to make the ensemble for Dracula.
Then about a month into rehearsals and a month before opening night, I got a call from the director. One of the actresses had to drop out for personal reasons, and would I be willing to play Mina?
I have been buzzing. This cast is amazing and awesomely talented, and I can’t quite believe that I have this opportunity.
Even if opening night is only two and a half weeks away.
And that is why I haven’t posted lately.