June

June is harder this year.

It’s funny: when Dad died, I thought June would be a terribly difficult month because of his death day. I figured his birthday would be a chance for me to celebrate him and so be a happy day.

As it turned out, his birthday is harder for me to deal with than his deathday, because of all the memories of him and the association with his life. His deathday wasn’t a part of him and who he is in my memory. Those memories are of him, but not ones I shared with him.

Now Father’s Day . . . don’t talk to me on Father’s Day.

But this year, June has more. My brother-in-law’s birthday (today) and his and my sister’s wedding anniversary. I can’t begin to imagine what my sister is dealing with right now.

So June is tough. The longest days of the year help – as I type this, I’m watching the setting sun turn the forest to gold – though only a little. It’s hard to balance that much grief.

But we’re ok.